12 Bases of Intimacy
Pacing it out with Growth, Regroup and Setback and make Your love scenes should be integral to the plot. Otherwise it's just description that readers will gloss over.
There's a pace to levels of intimacy. You can't just go from seeing the hero to jumping his bones. Wait? Did I just hear an erotic romance author say hold my beer. Hold onto your mug, girl. There's a science to sex. Let's talk about the 12 Levels of Physical Intimacy.
In Television and film, we're taught to view the world through the camera lens. There are three basic shots.
Close Up is typically of just the face.
Medium Shot zooms out to include the torso. This is the most common shot in media.
Long Shot includes the full body and some of the location.
It's disorienting to go from a Long Shot to a Close Up. You'd flinch. Same with the reverse. If you go from Close Up to Long Shot, the audience blinks and have to readjust. Media professionals have learned to move from Close Up to Medium Shot to Long Shot and vice versa for a smooth transition.
The same should occur in the emotional sense of physical and literary intimacy.
12 Levels of Physical Intimacy from Intimate Behavior by Desmond Morris.
1. Awareness of Presence
The moment two people meet, they become aware of one another's presence. They check out the other person's physical characteristics to see if they fit their sexual preference; gender, height, color of hair, eyes, skin because some may like pale complexions, sun-kissed tans or a deep brown hue.
2. Eye to Eye
Interest can be expressed in the first glance when two potential lovers' eyes meet. That single look can express a connection without any words being exchanged.
3. Verbal Contact
When the two lovers engage in dialogue, this initiates the emotional connection between them as they become more familiar with one another. This could be verbal, written or even telepathic in a paranormal romance setting.
4. Hand to Hand
The practice of joining hands together between two people falling in love is a lost art in reality. When it's on the page, it speaks volumes without the need for words. In romance, when lovers first touch palms, authors often describe electric sensations that can be felt between them, intensifying their bond even more when they finally clasp hands.
5. Arm to Shoulder
One partner wraps their arm around the other's shoulders. Think of when a guy yawns and stretches, putting his arm around his date in the movie theater - this is an affirmation of ownership. It serves to announce the status of the relationship.
6. Arm to Waist
The lovers put their arms around each other’s waist. This move is beyond possession. It's now about connection. The intensity between them has grown stronger as they close in on the final act of intimate passion.
7. Mouth to Mouth
The first kiss of physically bonding is an extension of the emotional bond the lovers have taken time to establish. Notice focus their attention back on the face before proceeding lower; because consent and respect are essential in any relationship. This is why it's important to fall in love with somebody based on who they are, not just their body or physicality. But really it's because consent is sexy.
8. Hand to Head
When we feel threatened or vulnerable, we protect our face. Allowing someone else to touch our face with their hands is a sign of a trusting relationship and closeness. For instance; You gently run your fingers through their locks. They tenderly cup your face in their hands. You softly brush the side of their face.
9. Hand to Body
As soon as consent is given for a kiss or to hold someone's head, things can quickly escalate. Putting a hand on someone else's body is arriving at "second base." Note that it has taken nine steps to get this far on these levels of intimacy. We are getting closer and closer to the full extent of physical intimacy.
10. Mouth to Breast
Laying your lips against the chest or breast of someone is a way to get close to their heart. It could be seen as more than just a physical gesture, but an intimate connection to the core of their feelings.
11. Hand to Genitals
With permission from the lips (mouth), the mind (head), and the soul (heart), it paves the route to touch another person's intimate areas.
12. Genitals to Genitals
The deepest level of intimate closeness that can be reached is when two people touch genitals to genitals. However, note that there are many ways to touch genitals without intercourse, which starts a whole other level of intimacy.
Let's take it back to "Fifty Shades of Grey" the movie.
1. In the film, the main characters first have Eye to Body Awareness when Ana trips coming into Christian's office.
2. When he comes to her rescue, they have Eye to Eye and you can see that both catch their breath. In a book romance authors typically excel at this first meeting gaze. We even take it a step further than noticing hair and eye color and remark on the main characters smell.
3. The Meet Cute of "Fifty Shades" is a conversational interview where Ana interviews Christian for the college paper. The questions become more personal and deeper as their interest in each other grows based on their eye gazing and their answer.
4. He already held her hand when he helped her back up. He held it again when they shook on her departure.
In a romance novel, that first touch usually ignites sparks whether in a sweet romance or a paranormal romance. Something passes through the characters to tell the reader that these two are meant to be. And readers love it!
After that first touch, things can speed up a bit or slow down. But these levels are not a one way street. You can always circle back, especially if your characters have to Regroup or have a Setback with an Obstacle.
If you watch the film, Christian constantly goes back to Level 8 where he cups Ana's face in his hand.
You see it after their coffee date when he's trying to let her go
You see it again in the hotel room the night after he snatches her from a club and she vomits on his shoes
Their first kiss is in an elevator when he says Fuck the Paperwork, grabs her face and goes for it.
After he spanks her the first time, he ends with his hand on her face and a kiss
The first time in his play room, he's holding her hand and it ends with kissing.
They come back to hand in hand or hand to face again and again. It becomes the Medium Shot of the romance novel.
Even in this erotic romance about sexual discovery, Step 8 is the bread and butter. It's used to ground the couple back into the emotion, the connection before, during and after the sex.
So my recommendation, the same way a camera operator moves from Long Shot to Medium Shot to Close Up and vice versa, you do the same thing as you go into and come out of your love scenes to keep the reader with you.
If you need to draw attention to an emotional record scratch, then break this rule. But do it for a good reason and then later get back on track with a smooth ride up and down the levels.
This works just as well for Sweet Romance. Just stop the elevator on the 8th level of Hand to Head and don't go any lower.
You can find out more about Writing Sweet or Writing Dirty in my upcoming courses at ineswrites.com/writingsweet or ines writes.com/writingdirty
Happy writing,
Ines